My story...Any got a title?

[Nandon]

Alright...So im writing a original works...And I am going to start posting the Unedited chapters here for you all to read...So! here is the Epilouge...Please do review it...And enjoy!


Lord Alexander stepped inside the small country tavern, That was to be the arranged meeting place between him, And the person he was going to pay to kill his brother, The king Alcian. He had tried to kill him previously with a small coalition of other lords, But it had failed, leaving the king only with several flesh wounds. And that was because his son had showed up to aid his father.
Lord Alexander thought for a moment, Thinking of what he would do with the young man, He was next in line to be king so what would stop him from taking the throne, Only keeping his uncle there for the sake of peace within his kingdom.
“No, the boy must die.” Alexander muttered as a promise to himself. Then he turned his attention back to the tavern, Noticing how not many people looked up and noticed him, thankfully he had decided against wearing the finery of a knight, And instead how prompted to wear normal clothes with a hood, pulled over his head to hide his identity.
Alexander scanned the room, searching for the one person who he had come here to see, Then finally when he saw him he moved quickly, Pushing a couple drunks aside as he did so. As Alexander sat down at the table, he reached down to his waist and grasped his short dagger, Pulling it free of its sheath and then tucking it cautiously within his sleeve. Then he turned his attention back up towards the man, Dryden Reynolds, The best assassin in the district.
Alexander sat there for a moment staring, Taking notice of the high temperature in the tavern, He assumed it was from the many bodies in there crammed together. Then Dryden finally spoke, his voice coming in sly silky tones.
“What is it you want from me.” He asked, not using a name as had been there agreement.
“You know what I want.” Alexander responded, letting a hungry gaze fall over his eyes as he thought of all the power and wealth that was soon to be his.
“Well then, We each have something the other wants, You want my skills. And I want your money.” The assassin responded, letting a greedy gaze fall over his own eyes as he measured Alexander, Trying to seem just how much he could get out of him and then some.
“I realize you want my money, but how much are we talking here?”
“Ten thousand Alcian Nobles.” Dryden responded, the money when paid would be a small fortune, Enough to live comfortably for a couple years. Even if he went to a different one of the 5 Kingdoms, Alcian nobles where worth the most of all the other nobles.
Alexander was about to let out a protest when it stalled in his throat, Ten thousand Royals would be a drop in the bucket once he took power. And Alexander didn’t even have to pay Dryden up front, he could just pay him after words. Which would most likely translate to not paying at all. Since he would definitely be captured afterwards. Finally feeling the silence had gone on for to long Alexander regained his voice.
“Fine. But I will only pay you after the job has been done.”
“Oh no you silly little boy, You will pay me Half now. Then another half once I’m done. You will also arrange for a way for me to infiltrate the castle.” Dryden responded almost instantly, not willing to fall for Alexander’s ploy of getting the job done, then not paying up.
Alexander felt his heart leap into his chest his goal was so close. All he had to do was pay the five thousand royals, and then he would be king! It all seemed so good to be true, then once again Alexander felt the silence stretching as he let his own thoughts run rampant in his mind.
“Agreed, you will come to the castle two days from now with this letter saying that you are my personal chef. My former one died some days previous so you should meet no resistance once you present the letter. It is there I will pay you.” Alexander said sliding a small rolled up piece of parchment bearing his seal. The seal alone should get him into the castle, but it always paid to be more safe than sorry.
Alexander moved to stand when the assassin’s hand gripped his hand, squeezing it with surprising strength. When he looked over at the man the eyes were cold, he looked like he could kill a man easily and not even care.
“You better not betray me. Because if you do. You will be going down with me.” Dryden said suddenly letting go of Alexander’s wrist. He felt a cold hand of dread clutch his heart for a moment and he nodded, his throat suddenly to dry for words. Then turning his back he heard the man laugh. And at that Alexander hastily exited the tavern before remounting his horse. It was night out now and the cold autumn chill came to a front as he exited the hot tavern, Shivering for a moment Alexander thought back to the moment in the tavern that happened mere moments ago. He recalled the fear he had felt. Then quickly shook his head. Sighing a bit he mounted his Pitch black Peruvian peso before riding back towards Alcian castle.

[Quetzal]

((Don't you mean prologue? An epilogue comes at the end of a book, prologue at the start))
I really want to know what happens next. Is this a medieval story or a fantasy one? I like how this draws you in, bringing a promising plot with the potential to go wrong or right, or going wrong by being successful (if that makes sense), and especially like how it isn't heavy with exposition. Too many stories these days can be dragged down by boring you with exposition, something I have trouble with (although I only tried writing a proper story once, for nanorimo when I was twelve and it was crap because I was twelve and didn't know how stories worked).

I must say though, in some places the grammar needs checking. Proof-read it; sometime you've capitalized letters after a comma instead of at the start of new sentence, sometimes your sentences overrun, and while I don't have anything against starting sentences with conjunctives, you've kind of overused it a bit. I found this site about it which I agree with, you could check it out if you want but of course your views are different to mine and you have a right to disagree with me. www.gpuss.co.uk/english_usage/start_sentence_conjunction.htm

Another thing; I'm not sure if this is just the layout ProBoards likes to give things, but your paragraphs are quite short and there's no clear definition between one and the next, making it slightly confusing to read. I don't think Proboards allows you to indent things, so I'm guessing that's it. I'm no expert on layout or grammar or anything, but I would say that while a lot of paragraphs can be short, and it's probably best to keep it that way when dialogue it going on, don't make them all short.

Hope this in some way helpful, can't wait to see what will happen next! That is, if you want to tell us. As for a title... no idea. I'm terrible at thinking up names for things.

[Aelodil]

I would say as a title: The Betrayal.

Not that much of a creative guy though..but Quetzal is right.. just imply a lil more grammar